It's as if I'm no longer afraid to get hit by a car.

It’s the faint lights headed for me as I stroll across the highway. I don’t care to die, but I also don’t care to maintain this life. It’s the act of wandering around aimlessly at night knowing all the public dangers surrounding me and just not caring to go back inside. It’s the daring effects of driving too fast down the highway and not slowing down for amber lights. It’s the sound of screeching tires and landing in the middle of an intersection on a red light and just shaking it off like I meant it to end that way. It’s the imagined scenarios of getting beaten up till I crawl away, or getting tortured until somebody walks in and saves the day. It’s the hope of getting torn apart by a werewolf only to become one, or to get bit vocals deep by a vampire so I can suck another’s blood dry. It’s allowing the man I used to write poetry about to use me for his sexual desires and than drive on home as if it’s all I wanted from him. It’s getting ignored by the people I need right now and introverting to a dangerous place. It’s escaping this nightmare of a reality with romantic movies and pretending like one day it’ll happen as if promised to me. It’s staring at bottles of liquor and wanting to drink them every night but stopping at the thought that I don’t have the money to replace them once their gone. It’s as if I look forward to saying it’s been two months to the day, because maybe if I convince myself enough time has gone by than it’ll be okay. It’s as if I’ve convinced myself that something has died on this earth, something very dear to me and all I can do is stay inside my bedroom walls and dream of a better place. It’s as if… something has been taken away; a part of my soul.

If nobody is going to see it for what it really is, than so be it.

I’ve never felt so much like somebody else than I do now. If I could burn the memories of you, I would.

"It’s better to have nobody, than to have someone who is half there, or doesn’t want to be there.”

— Angelina Jolie

This was one of the cutest movies I have ever seen, maybe cause it's 230AM but holy crap I love a good cute romance.

Someday - Nickelback

This song is pretty much one of my top three favorite songs of all time. When I was in grade 7 I listened to it everyday on the way to school and everyday on the way home from school. I just love the concept of not fixing something in the moment but knowing that it’ll be okay later, something like that. I just love this song. Nickelback is one of my favorite bands of all time and this song is just classic Nickelback and it’s never going to be “old” to me because the memories last forever. Even the music video I love too because my favorite music videos are the ones that actually tell a story, and this clearly does. Thank you Nickelback, I really do enjoy your methods to melodies ratio.

Alright so here’s the story as to why I ended up on a western saddle on a concrete barrier separating me from Lougheed Highway… with my shirt up and a pink palm palm cheering people on. My sister had this Car Wash by donation in front of a pub in Pitt Meadows and the money was donated to the horse rescue she volunteers at. The place is called J & M Acres Horse Rescue and she practically runs it with this girl Julie. This Car Wash had signs and stuff but my sister was dancing with her friend Nathan on a truck so I joined and than one of the members put a saddle out and stuff so we all took turns and got pictures taken. They say to “do something new everyday” and this was quite exciting and fun and the cause was well worth my dignity haha, there is nothing wrong with showing some skin to get people’s attention for an important cause like this one. I hope they all enjoyed my zebra bra. I’m glad I could support her today and I brought a few friends and all is well. I even have a lady wanting to adopt a horse now and I really hope she does cause than I’ll be even more supportive of my sister. I finally get it after getting attached to a horse there called Raphael and today was a fantastic day to pitch in. I’m very proud of my sister as she helped raise $1200 and this cause couldn’t be any closer to her heart, congratulations Amy!