Every. single. night. I expect you on roller-blades with two cherry blossoms in the palm of your hand, waiting at the foot of my concrete driveway to apologize. I see your invisible figure outside my window as my eyes search for you, back and forth, left to right. Every. single. night. I sit in my bedroom and I stare down onto the empty light-less road and expect to see your presence, and than I remember that it was all just a lie.
-ML

Paradise l o s t

Every time I witness the rain bleeding off my neighbors roof, I remember The Last Song. That flashback reminds me that no matter what you have to be strong through the rain. And although it was just a made-up novel that got turned into a movie, it gives me hope. It provides me with the idea that maybe, maybe after the rain is gone, somebody will come and make you smile. Somebody will make the clouds vanish for a little while and you’ll be able to breathe again. So be happy for the rain, because it’s the reason your smile matters so much when it’s gone.

Everything is such an ugly blur of motionless feelings and devoured thoughts.

My life went so fast from happiness and settled in comfort to a turn of loneliness and desperately reaching out for somebody’s hand. I am stronger now, yes. I am more outgoing and have been enjoying smiles and laughs among friends but yet there is this whole other side on those cloudy, rainy afternoons. It’s so odd, like a floating leaf with a resting pebble simply waiting to sink. I lost my boyfriend, bestfriend and a few other friends somewhere in there and I just cannot fathom all the goodbyes. A part of me has become numb to it and my trust is lost with everybody else in the moment, it seems everything I say gets blurted out somewhere and It’s just annoying nonsense I can’t speak of. I go out and dance at parties and that’s my favorite place to be, the movement of my body and the curves of my hips all twirled up into a medicine that could cure the threat of tears. The site of me looks average, but my insides are burning up into ash and soon enough I won’t have enough room to hide the pain. I believe that the only cure for heartache is love so until than I’ll have as much fun as I can with my friends or dancing to my favorite song or having a few coolers. Life is beautiful but I really wish Summer would glisten the skies with a pinch more sunshine.

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop believing in the Power of Love.”
— ML

“It’s about having the courage to step back and face the truth.”
— ML

Well it’s about 8 months till I leave for Oahu, one of the Hawaiian islands. Honolulu is where I’ll be settling in for 10 days and it’s going to be precious!

It’s the act of love, the act of caring, the act of sensitivity… it’s the act of realizing that somebody else is more important to you than yourself.