I don’t have the “right” words to explain these chaotic meanings.

Well, I can say that I’m tired now without it just being some excuse or to explain something other than sleep deprivation. I’ve only worked two shifts so far but I’ve been out of work since New Years Eve and it’s going to take some getting used to. I have today off and still had to get up early for a Chiropractic appointment at 11am. I’ll be working tomorrow, day off, than Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I really want to enjoy my job so I’m trying my best to think of the paychecks, as in, I have to work for my money and this is as good as it’s gonna get. Nice people, clean environment, organized and lots of shifts. I already have a friend and I will get trained properly so when I do start solo it’s not going to be scary or anything to be embarrassed about. Lately all I really think about is what I want to purchase with the money I’ll be getting, I suppose it’s just a way of self-medicating with everything going on. And when I say “with everything going on” I’m talking about my Grandma going on her 12th day with little signs of waking up in the hospital, dealing with all the recent goodbyes in my head and still missing people from time to time that walked away months ago. School starts in a few weeks and since it’s just been me for so long, going through day by day and dealing with everything as if I’m completely alone I can’t see it going to badly. Considering I’m perfectly capable of walking in there alone and taking it on face to face, I hope I can manage some decent grades. Work, is all I’m really focusing on. There is just so much more I can do, so many ways I can treat myself. If there is one thing I learned from Emma, it’s that you need to find time for yourself and indulge every now and than. This has been working for me, just finding times to paint my nails or moisturize my legs while listening to music and taking hours on the weekend to get ready. It’s just a matter of taking your time, just a matter of praising yourself.