Sometimes I live it up, but most of the time I just feel like an organized zombie.

I sleep in till whenever, spend hours playing Sims and checking my sites and than maybe eat some lunch and find a cozy seat on the couch. I stay up till atleast two or four in the morning every night when I had nothing to get up for in the first place and than another day begins. I feel like I’m rotting away, like there is just no reason to go anywhere or do anything. I’m too content for my own good and you’d think it’d be comforting but I think it’s closer to poison. Yesterday I woke up early to go to the beach but it was cold and the guy didn’t even show up cause I sent mixed messages, wonderful. All I want right now seems to be this one fucking guy or a party every single night to attend and dance at. An escape, something to believe in, someone to live for. I think that maybe if I got a job and had a healthier routine and a responsibility and a place to be, that things will get better. Right now, there is nowhere to be, just surrounded by sickness and doubt. It’s poisoning me and still I dream of better places. Everyday I treat stuffed animals and sparkly lizard rings as if they are my friends and I dream of somewhere else. Floating around in the pool I like to believe some hot guy is watching me and thinking about me, I like to drive around as if everybody drives by and wonders who that was, I wonder around aimlessly as if I’m still waiting for somebody to come and knock on my door, my life is a fake and my dreams are a sham. This Summer is dead to me and I just want it to be over, I’m fed up with deja vu and it makes me sick that I can’t escape just by leaving it all behind.