"cause Graduation feels like a big joke."

I’m Graduated. This Summer was supposed to be camping, playland, beach and sleepovers and although some of that happened, the clouds have dampened others from being created or even talked about. This Summer was meant for alot more than what happened but even when I’m at home, in sweats, no make-up, just watching f.r.i.e.n.d.s. episodes I know something is missing. I am missing something huge in my life right now and although I feel the strength to be content without it I don’t think things are going to feel real until I have it in my hands. Everything is surreal, it’s like I still haven’t accepted that I have my N and my very own car with a rockin’ sound system. It’s like I don’t realize how lucky I am to be going to Honolulu in February. I don’t know, I feel like I need to do something for myself and lately I can’t seem to get it. I have friends, I have people I can talk to and people who depend on me. I get invited out and everything but it’s not like I really open up to any of them in ways where they know what’s going on in my mind. I write more on my blog than I tell them. Somewhere in there I got comfortable with being at home and going to Tims every now and than. I just see College being me maybe meeting somebody special, maybe somebody I can relate to and actually open up to but than again I doubt that’s gonna come true in the Fall. It’s like I feel like I don’t have friends some days, and other days I just smile at how many I have. Somethings in my life are getting better and some have fallen to new depths but either way I have so much faith in things getting better that I’m afraid one day they will break and if nothing happens in College… I’m scared that I’ll snap again. I’m afraid of going back to my very dark place and maybe that’s why lately I’m trying not to get overexcited about anything and be content in the shadows but yet deep within my heart.. I truly am expecting my prince to show up someday soon. I’m expecting something exciting to happen if I can just conjure up the patience to wait. Is it possible to have too much faith?