My deepest, darkest secret right now is for you to feel what I feel.

It seems that I was never good enough. I didn’t particularly want to sing in front of you unless the music was louder than I was and I didn’t want to play a few keys on your keyboard because it embarrasses the hell out of me. I didn’t feel like chopping all my hair off because you like it above the shoulder and I’m sorry my tits weren’t bigger cause that’s your thing. It seems I wasn’t convenient for you because I had an opinion and didn’t get along with any of your ridiculously judgmental friends or knew what the hell I was talking about in your family conversations because I’m not used to those. It seems my anger towards my family wasn’t alright with you because all you know is love within yours and my ideal romance with my car was unheard of because you can’t resist taking the bus. It seems I was just never good enough for you because I was myself and I don’t like screamo and my family didn’t allow me the privilege of going on trips downtown in my childhood. I have never seen Whistler and this Summer was the first time I’ve really been to a beach, I’m an isolated human being but I fucking tried for you. I tried by going to your place and watching the Hockey games with you and driving you wherever you wanted to go, I tried going to lunch with your friends and making small talk, I tried being apart of your family even when I had nothing to say and I tried getting you whatever you wanted when you wanted it. I wanted you to be surrounded in happiness and I wanted to be the one who saw you at your happiest, I wanted to be your special little heaven. I’m sorry I wasn’t fucking good enough and now all I want is for you to find this miracle girl. I want you to find this girl that you have been looking for, one who can write music with you and hangout with all your friends like they are the shit and blog the “right stuff” and interest you in how perfect her family is and how much she is dying to see your favorite band. I want you to find the perfect girl and than have her tell you that she can’t stand the fact that you can’t compromise, and than I want you to realize that I was the girl who compromised to much. Your fucking welcome.